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3-29-00

I was at McDonald's today because they have that Monopoly-themed contest over there, and I wanted to get in on the action. Unfortunately, I received a "Go to Jail" stamp, and before I knew it I was surrounded by about four policemen, all telling me to "put the Big-Mac down!" It was a messy, messy situation, which ended up with me getting sent over to the police station. Luckily, some guy there had a "Get Out of Jail Free" stamp, and he sold it to me for $50.

Anyway, I'm kind of disappointed that our forum is thinking of going to Cedar Point for the spring forum trip. Hey, I like a good roller coaster ride as much as the next guy, but, as a trip, amusement park's are so . . . uncreative. They're like the "Model T" of vacations, specifically manufactured to be entertaining. You wait in a line, you go on a ride and you receive X amount of enjoyment. I mean, where's the originality? What's there to learn that you didn't already know before?

And I understand the pro-Point's point of view--they want a simple, easy-to-get-to trip with no complications. They have a point: Spending 8 hours driving to some far-off place seems kind of pointless.

But, I don't know, I don't mind long van rides. I like stopping at a pancake restaurant off the highway in a town you'd never heard of before. Meanwhile, Cedar Point . . . it's like the "efficient vacation."

Never mind that my physics class is going to Cedar Point three days after we'd get back, forget about the fact that the lines there would be longer than a typical Buffy/Angel crossover . . . ah, I mean, not that I know how long that is. At any rate, the point is is that, as a forum trip, I think that we can do better.

3-18-00

Well, I've decided to get a new computer through RJ Networks. What I don't get is this: How can you offer a better deal on a computer than Best Buy? It's not called "Pretty Good Buy," it's not called "One of the Better Buys Currently Available." It's "Best Buy," which should mean that nobody can legally offer a better deal. Man, I've get to sit down for a few minutes and figure this one out.

At any rate, I'll be able to access this "inter-net" I've been hearing about. Perhaps then I will be able to visit my own website. Also, the new computer should allow me the ability to play the latest version of "Pong," though I doubt the thing will be able to beat my faithful old Commodore 64 in terms of sheer performance. I mean, that bad boy had 64K of memory out of the box. Just try to beat that.

Speaking of the film festival we watched on Thursday, it was all very weird, and not in the traditional sense of the word. I mean, shots were upside down, there was incessant dancing, the Amish were playing poker. And I'm not even going to mention the random shots of students in underwear (perhaps their pants are in the lost and found?). But the biggest dissapoinment of the day was that not one film had a monkey. How many times do I have to say this? If you are going to bother making a film, GET A MONKEY. Put a baseball hat on it, dress it up like a ninja--whatever. Just get a monkey.

3-15-00

When I first noticed that there were pants in the lost and found box behind the desk at work, I didn't think anything of it. Slowly, however, I've come to realize how weird this is. I mean, who the hell takes off their pants in a computer lab? OK, maybe I can understand somebody doing it for a few minutes if it's really hot or something, but here's the part that gets me: How do they forget to put their pants back on? There are actually people who walk out of here without pants on and don't even realize it.

There's also some underwear in the lost and found box, which I can't even begin to comprehend. Somebody not only took off their pants, but proceeded to also take off their underwear? And then they completely forgot about it and left it in the room? I can't imagine how somebody who can't remember to put his/her underwear back on can use a computer.

But don't take my word for it. If you look in any lost and found anywhere, there will be pants. Fast food restaurants, schools, super markets--you name the place. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, it's not that far from Easter, and you know what that means: Cadbury's Cream Eggs are back in style. The creamy goodness of a Cadbury's Egg . . . hmm. So delicious. So de . . . delic. . . . Ah, that is, I enjoy them. Perhaps more that the average person, but that's alright. There's no crime in buying case after case of Cadbury's Eggs, and then spend hours just looking at them. I mean, everyone does that.

So tomorrow is "Not School As Usual" day. But is it ever school as usual? We're going to be seeing some films made my students, and then complain to our friends on how the whole thing was a waste of time. In my case, I will then go home, put together a sandwich, and watch Dawson's Creek. I mean watch the Pistons game. That's what I said. Besides, Dawson's Creek is on Wednesdays, not Thursday. I . . . I think. Not the I memorize the WB's schedule or anything.

3-12-00

Well, it's pretty safe to say that the school smelt like ass on Friday. Not that clean, "Just had a shower" ass either. I'm talking the putrid central core of an ass, magnified one hundred times over. A well-timed fire alarm saved the day, but the smell haunts me still.

Many students are assured that the smell was merely sulfur. While this theory makes sense, I've never heard of sulfur smelling this bad. Sulfur is a walk in the park compared to the hellish odor of Friday. My guess is that the smell was some kind of sulfur/ass combination, originally created for use in the Vietnam War. I mean, you had to be at school then to know just what I'm talking about.

3-8-00

Making a website is troublesome, often unrewarding work. It's also easy and fun. Is that contradictory? Perhaps, but at least it's not contradictory.

At any rate, the new design of my website is being sponsored by that scary owl toward the top of this page. He is constantly staring at me with those unblinking eyes, forever holding a quiver in his left hand, forever questioning my every decision. Why can't you just leave me alone, owl? For the love of God why can't you leave me alone?

Incidentally, the owl would like everyone to sign my guestbook. "For if you do not," he lamented, "I will have to sign the book myself. Bra-ha-ha-ha!" Damn you, owl, will your words never seize to haunt me?

By the way, it's hot outside right now. The kind of hot that make me thirst for the gentle power of a glass of Cool-Aid, that makes me want to rest leisurely in a hammock, swaying ever so slightly with the season's refreshing breeze. On an unrelated topic, my car smelt a lot like paint today.